The War We Deserve.....

The main topic that brought me into a state of contemplation came from a couple of quotes of Jean- Paul Sartre…. “We have the war we deserve” and “Thus I am this war...” I spent a lot of my free time deliberating this quote. Am I really the product of a series of my very own choices? Is it possible that nothing, outside of my own decisions, delivered me here to this place? In these circumstances? In this state of health? It was a remarkable idea to say the least. It couldn’t be true…..could it? Upon deeper rumination I began to believe that it is not only a possibility, but almost a certainty. When I examined that path that I have walked for the last thirty plus years I noticed different stages in my life that showed results from decisions that had been made either by myself or by my parents in the earliest stages of my life.  But at this point every decision I make I am solely culpable. During each stage I can see where the decisions of my parents, and me, led to experiences in my life. I have made thousands upon thousands of decisions in my life, and if I am honest I can look at the path that my life has carved through time and see where each of them have been influential in, if not directly, determining the course that moved me to the next decision. I can try and look at some events and say my choices had no relevance on a certain situation, that it was out of my control, but the truth is that there was a series of decisions that put me in that place, at that specific time…..Post reflection shows that when this questionable event took place I was exactly where I had decided to be. Could I control what happened at the moment? Probably not, but I had decided to be there non-the-less prior to the uncontrollable situation. Then I decided how to react and cope with what happened. So in short, “Thus I am this war…” or should I say that each and every one of us has “the war that we deserve?” We all are responsible for our lives. We cannot lay blame to our parents, our circumstances or our environments. If we are conscious beings, if we are capable of making decisions, then we are responsible for everything that happens to us. The flip side to this is that we also are capable of creating a world where we have the things that we truly want. It may take measures that seem tough or sacrifices that seem great, but in the end if it’s worth having it’s worth those things, right? Some people question my decisions, my choices, to give up some of my freedom and even bigger my income. They even take it as a reason to look down on me, but what they don’t realize is that I am determined to have more than I used to. I am not content with “getting by” or “settling.” I will have not only the war, but the rewards I deserve….not because of what others expect of me, but because of what I expect of myself. Think what you want, but in the end the only opinion that matters is the one I have of myself and likewise the same applies to you. Do you have what you deserve? If not, what is stopping you? Remember only you can live your life, so be sure your actually living it for “You.”

Nietzsche

Just an excerpt from a paper I wrote recently...

Nietzsche tries to find comedy in a world where seriousness is the overwhelming view of what an adult is engulfed and surrounded by. Why has the world resorted to such a mechanical and mundane view of things? I cannot help but believe that if God created all the things of heaven and earth and even modeled human beings after himself; doesn’t that include humor since it is something that all children seem to possess? Is it that hard to believe that if you hold on to a faith that declares that a supreme being formed everything that is seen, and all the supernatural beings that humans cannot see, that he did not create humor as well? Is it just because it is not expressly written that on the seventh day God rested, and laughed, that he does not laugh? If you really think about it, why wouldn’t God have a sense of humor? Just take a moment and look at some of the animals around the world, the platypus, the blob fish or the aye-aye. God has to have a sense of humor, but man has decided that religious belief and comedy are not allowed together. Religion is SERIOUS, you must be SERIOUS when talking to God, you must be SERIOUS when you’re in church. And don’t get me wrong, I believe that there needs to be some degree of sincerity and respectfulness in a church service, but I also believe it cannot be completely overrun by them either. I believe on the seventh day God looked at all he created and had a good laugh knowing some of the stupid things we were going to do…… I once read a report that said that people with a positive attitude in life increase their life expectancy over those who do not share the same positive outlook. So why not be happy, find the jokes that are constantly floating through our cosmos, see what others are missing, and search for a hint of laughter in each and every phase of your life!

Blue Eyes

Through this maze of anguish I wonder alone,
Turning round corners of hedge and jagged stone.
Cold darkness and fog shadow my vision,
They cause my mind stress and indecision.
Twisting left and right thru this torturing maze,
Questions and doubt set my mind ablaze.
For when it seems all Hell has set her attack,
I realize that the demons where just holding back.
For now their wrath has been opened full force,
And sorrow is unleashed when I see the true source.
Because not by a foe or some evil was this brought,
But by a greater power, more than any juggernaut.
This invasion was unexpected and caught me by surprise.
Because I never thought betrayal came with blue eyes.

By: Matthew Stephen Norton

This was older writing, but I wanted to post it again.

A break....

Every day in our journey there are countless numbers of lives that we come in contact with. Most, really for the most part almost all, of which we pass by without so much as a smile or a recognition that the other person even existed. As I make my journey from one destination to the next I am growing more and more surprised at how people seem to be regressing further and further away from a social society. And this seems counterintuitive considering the advances we have today in technology (like what I am using now). But, what I have noticed is it seems easier for people to carry on conversations through twitter, instant messaging, email, text messaging, etc than it is for them talk on the phone or God forbid they sit down face to face. One such young man I talked to the other day said he actually talks to his girlfriend more through text messaging than in person and they see each other DAILY! It just seems to me that the more “technologically advanced” the world becomes, the less every day face to face “people skills” people seem to possess. Now I am not calling for a banning of technology because I myself love it, but I do believe that we should all examine how we use it. Is it turning us into people who would rather sit in front of a computer than across the table talking to a friend? Are guys becoming unable to physically ask a girl out and instead rely on a message through Facebook or a text? And likewise are girls unable to carry on a conversation without using the same methods? Technology will be around long after we are all gone and will never miss us when we are, but we only have a few moments to share with the people that we care about, or even those who could potentially play a huge role in our lives. Spend time with your friends face to face and live your life. God knows, you only have this chance once…Make the most of it.

Captive (Part III)

How long has it been? Hours? Days? Weeks? It has all just blurred together, thought Caelan as he paced around in his cell looking for any sign of a way out. It has been a strange thing to be in this place. Since his first experience the demon he has tried to trace back the moments just before he awoke here and how much time has actually passed. All he can recall is darkness and screams, and those are prior to being here. While confined in his cell the only “living” thing he has come in contact with has been the demon that attacked him, outside of that there has been no other signs or sounds of anything else in this place. “Maybe this really is hell…..I have got to remember!” he told himself. The one thing that he had been taking advantage of is his recent ability to see better in this abysmally black place, he just still was not sure of the reason for this development. At first it was like the walls where projecting a strange glow, but now he is almost certain it is his eyes that have adjusted to the darkness. “Why can’t I remember how I got here?” In the corner of the room he found something that resembled a steel nail. At first he tried to pick the locks on his shackles but it was too large. Instead, he began to scratch into the wall the most recent memory he had prior to this place. It was of an argument he had with his dad. For a moment he felt sorry that the last memory his dad would have of him, if he really was dead, was of him driving off in anger after the argument. He pushed past this thought though and continued with his timeline. From there I drove off in my truck…and……….again, nothing. Just the sound of a scream in the darkness, and it is not even his scream, it is more like the sound you would here in an over the top horror film where a ghost is moaning out a banshee type sound. Suddenly the sound of footsteps could be heard moving toward his room…..Caelan tensed up at the thought of yet another encounter with the demon, but the footsteps moved passed his cell and on down the hall. A chill overcame him for a minute as he remembered the ferocity of the demons attack and his words have haunted him since the encounter. Within moments the footsteps came back and Caelan’s cell door was opened. The creature smirked as he came in, “Did you miss me?” he asked. Caelan did not reply, instead he stood motionless. “It’s time for round two” the demon hissed as he reached for the shackles that where bound to Caelan. Without thought Caelan lunged at the beast in an effort to inflict some harm, but without a seconds hesitation the demon had caught Caelan in midair and tossed him hard against the wall. “Do you really think you could hurt me?  I am a god in this place and you are my entertainment.” Caelan tried to reply but the force of the impact with the wall had knocked the wind out of him. The Demon threw him to the ground in disgust and began dragging him down the hall.

Once again Caelan was pulled up by his chains and the demon unleashed his ferocious attack on him. Despite the endless and mind-numbing pain, Caelan tried to resist in some way. This only seemed to make the demon enjoy the torture even more. It knew Caelan had no way of stopping him from inflicting his abuse on him. The demon stopped after what felt like hours and moved out of the room. Caelan had managed to not pass out this time, though he wished he had. As he struggled to find the strength to move his head he noticed that his skin was coated in a black substance. The only thing he could figure is that this was the result of the demons blows that have been driven into his body. It must be something that is wearing off of the creature’s hands as it hits him. A few minutes later the demon came walking back while dragging something behind him. Caelen’s heart sank as he realized it was another young man, only this person appeared to be dead. The demon smirked at Caelen as he drug the young man’s body past Caelan, “This only lasted through three of our sessions, think you can do better?” asked the demon with a hellish grin. Caelan attempted to speak, but could not summon the strength. He would survive and find a way to escape, he thought. The demon threw the body of the man into a hole in the corner of the room. Caelan listened, but he never heard it make a sound after the demon tossed it in. Maybe that was a way to escape……The demon turned and looked at Caelan and Caelan had a chill slide up his spine because he felt like the monster was listening to his thoughts. Just then the demon confirmed his assumption, “Yes I can hear your thoughts Caelan…..I can even sense your fear. I have told you before I am a god in this place and you will learn this either before, or at least by the time you end up being tossed into the abyss like the man you just saw.” With that the demon started with his attack again, this time Caelan was not able to maintain consciousness.

Captive .....Part II

As Caelan struggled against the chains that were leading him down further into this hellish abyss he noticed that he was beginning to be able to make out figures and shapes. He was not sure if this was due to his eyes adjusting to the dark, or if there was an eerie light emanating from the surrounding tunnel. Suddenly, he was pulled into a much larger room and then hosted up by his chains. His arms stretched over his head and his feet barely touching the ground beneath him. For the first time he can make out what it was that has been dragging him from his cell. The creatures back was to him and he could make out scaly skin that was a deep grey color. It seemed to change to match the environment because each time it shifted or took a deep breath the scales had the color flow over them life water rolling over its back. It turned to face Caelan and he then saw the face of this menacing creature. Its eyes still blood red surrounding empty pupils, it had the face that contained features similar to that of a human only covered in a leathery serpentine skin. When it snarled at him he could see decaying teeth that looked like had been filed to a point. As it approached he tried not to look away or show fear he wanted to face this demon and be courageous in his actions. The creatures stood directly in front of Caelan now and he could smell the stench of decaying flesh strong on the skin of the monster. It reached up and grabbed Caelan by the neck and stared deep into his eyes. The monsters hand wrapped around his neck, it had a force that felt as if it could rip his head off his shoulders with the slightest movement. He could feel its claws against the back of his neck and finally the creature spoke in a low growling voice. “Welcome to hell Caelan, your soul is now mine and for eternity I will torment it.” His words brought fear into Caelan’s heart and the creature knew this by the damning smile that he displayed. Before Caelan could reply the demon hit him with a force that was supernatural. Not only did he feel the impact on his chest, but as if it had pierced his skin and went straight into his heart. Repeatedly the monster punished him with strikes that felt as if his body were being torn into pieces. His mind tried to find some sense of what was going on, how he got here, what he did to deserve this purgatory. The demon paused and spoke as though he was reading Caelan’s mind, “There is no reason, there is no meaning, only pain.” With that the demon continued his relentless torture until Caelan was unconscious. He awoke in his cell stiff and hurting from his beating. He had never experienced pain like this in his life and the strange thing was he could not make out any place that the demon had hit him. No bruises, no cuts, just unfathomable, endless pain.

Captive

He was sitting in his cell shackled to the wall. His body stiff from sleeping on a floor of stone. In this black abyss there are no luxuries that you would find in prisons across the U.S. Then again, this is no ordinary prison. How he got here was still a puzzle and only flashes of imagery seem to come to his mind when he tries to remember. But even then it is like someone scrambled up a movie, chopped it into pieces and then flashed up the scenes in random chaotic order. If only there was a light, a window, a sound that could help him discover where he was. Suddenly, his mind jolts back to the moment as he hears the sound of footsteps…..they grow louder and heavier as they approach his cell……..They stop and he strains to hear what is happening outside the door. Is someone coming in? Is there finally going to be an explanation as to what is going on, why he is here? The door clanks and moans as it is pushed open…..No light comes in……instead there is a stench of what can only be described as dead and decaying flesh. Something steps inside the cell and there is a deep breathing just a few feet in front of him as he begins to feel the warmth of the things breath as it stares down at him. What is it? He strains to see into the darkness but all that can be seen are two red eyes, the center of which are punctured with pupils that are darker and deeper than the blackness that fills the cell. What is this? He thinks to himself again. Am I lunch for this beast? Without a word the beast unlocks the shackles from the wall and begins to drag him out of the cell. He tries to resist but the creature has the strength of mythical proportions and pulls him down the hall as if it was pulling a piece of string behind it. Still trying to make out something of his surrounding he tries to see something, anything that would tell his where he was. Instead he is still only surrounded by blackness and in that dark abyss he knows there is no hope to be found………..

Living

                Life. Simple, four letter word that seems to encompass so much meaning. It ranges from the idea behind what we all hold on to with every breath that enters and leaves our bodies to a board game that I played when I was a child. But, are we living our lives or are we merely marching through each day in a robotic fashion that is more fake than the plethora of reality shows that flood our television sets? We all like to believe that from the time our alarm clocks wake us in the morning until the time we crash into the same bed that night, that we are LIVING our lives. We are fulfilling a purpose and that this “purpose” is bringing satisfaction or a means to an end result to our existence. Is it? Is it really satisfying? Sadly I would wager that the vast majority of us, if we really examined our daily “routine”, would discover that we are no more alive than the men who are printed on the face of those bills we work so hard to possess. We spend our days working and slaving in jobs, situations, and circumstances that suck the life out of us instead of invigorating us with a true sense of happiness. So I bet your waiting for me to expound some insight into what I think will make you happy…Sorry I can only speak for myself and you and you alone are the only person who can answer that question for you. Don’t be afraid to experience new things, take risk, and work toward a goal that you believe is impossible. But do something that is genuine and real. Be true to your heart and maybe you will catch a glimpse of your true potential. If you’re lucky maybe you will be one of the fortunate few who when asked what you do for a living, you can reply back exactly that…LIVING.

Matthew Stephen Norton

Another Night

In the night you can see their face. You can hear their voice in the deafening silence. Is it a dream you have long hoped for? No, but instead the same nightmare that has come to torment your soul once more. With relentless precision you see the past played over and over again in your mind. Your heart aches and seizes with the pain that broke it so long ago. You lay there helpless to change the scene that is playing out in your mind, only to awake once more broken and alone in your misery that consumes your dreaming and waking mind.

Matthew Stephen Norton

Questions

It seems our lives are encompassed even swallowed by them. What do I want to do in my life? Where do I want to live? What kind of person do I want to be with? We are constantly in pursuit of answers to questions like these and many others that invariably never have any real impact on our lives. The ironic thing is that it is not the questions that should determine our paths in life, but instead the answers we already should know. We know what makes us happy and we know ultimately what kind of life we want. The only thing that should determine our path is our resolve to make those things reality. Things like age, race, socioeconomic status, should never be factors in your “pursuit of happiness.” Life is short and fragile. Each day is another piece in your life that you can never replace. Using the phrases like one day, tomorrow, eventually, and of course the all time favorite “IF” should never be involved in the vocabulary that ultimately impacts your happiness. We all have been victims, in one way or another, of society’s timetable. We are led to believe that if we have not achieved our Bachelor’s degree by the age of 22 or working in an established job, with a family in the making, by 25 we are somehow never going to have what makes us happy. We are now stuck where we are, and we just need to accept it….. Who gives anyone the right to make you believe that you can’t have the things you want on your own timetable. Yes life has been unpredictable! But are you really surprised that you did not see every event that happened in your life ahead of time or that you where suppose to be omniscient about each decision that your where going to make? Come on, life is a journey that will inevitably lead you down roads you never expected, but that does not mean that you can’t change your direction or improve your situation. It will take work, it will be hard, but regardless if you really want it, you will have to take it. Believe in yourself and never let anyone tell you that you cannot achieve your dreams. You are only limited by your own will. Live your life, be happy and discover who you truly are. And maybe just maybe you will realize that it was never a question that determined your path, but the sheer will and confidence in yourself that made it everything you want and need.

Matthew Stephen Norton